Alright guys, this post may be a downer, but I find it extremely important, especially to my fellow health care workers out there. As noted in post #18, I experienced my first patient death on my watch last month and it was a traumatic one. I found this article from Nurse.com to be pretty accurate for how nurses feel after traumatic deaths and the right ways to cope after such an incident.
I feel that grieving is not something they can teach you in school. I think until you have experienced a close relationship with a patient and lost him or her, you're not going to know just how bad it feels. It's not like the loss of a family member or friend, but it is still powerful. I remember standing in my patient's room during the code and feeling like I might wretch into the trash can at any moment. It was not a squeamish kind of nausea, but an emotional kind. I have since seen much more peaceful ways for patients to die and can only hope to experience more of those and fewer "crashes". Considering I eventually want to work in critical care, this might not be the case.
I think it's important, despite the fact that nursing can give you a thick skin, for nurses not to become hardened. I don't think they should carry grief around with them because they're too proud to let their emotions show in front of their peers. If anything, nurses should act as support for other nurses, which is sadly not always the case. If you are a new nurse, identify those others you can trust and who support you. If someone doesn't understand the way you're grieving,you don't need to include them in your process. Don't hold your grief inside. Find an outlet. And know that it takes time to let go of those difficult feelings. Things don't get better right away. But eventually, you'll be a better nurse because of your experience, because you let yourself be human even though sometimes you feel your job description doesn't allow you to be.
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