#54 Unbearable Lightness

365 Blog Challenge: Post #54

Rating: 4/5 Stars

The first time I saw Portia de Rossi on Ally McBeal, I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen.  This made her memoir, Unbearable Lightness, all the more interesting as it gives a glimpse of the inner workings of de Rossi's formerly eating-disordered mind.  It's well known that individuals with eating disorders have an altered self-image but never have I had such an in-depth look at this phenomenon.  De Rossi, a former model, doesn't withhold anything in her book, and I was blown away at the brutality of her inner monologue.  She is forthcoming with the gruesome details of her eating disorder such as blood vessels bursting above her eyes after a purge or eating Cheetos so she can keep track of how much she has thrown up (bright orange Cheetos being a marker of mid-binge.) She also goes into detail about her obsession with exercise and her caloric limitations (at one point she was only eating 300 calories a day on a regular basis.)

Not only does de Rossi describe her life with an eating disorder in this book, she tells the story of herself as a closeted gay actor who felt she had to fit a certain mold to be successful in Hollywood.  It is a perfect example of how exterior pressure can wreak havoc on a susceptible individual and create a monster of the mind.   While Portia starved and berated herself, people such as myself were sitting at home thinking what a beautiful, talented woman she is.

The book doesn't give much detail on de Rossi's recovery, which she claims is complete.  The epilogue, which wasn't as well-written as the rest of the book, does give a brief overview of her first serious gay relationship and makes some mention of her relationship with Ellen DeGeneres.  At least this story has a happy ending.  I love Portia and Ellen as a couple.

I was sucked into this book from the start.  I read the first 200 pages in about 24 hours and would have finished earlier if I wasn't spending time with my family.  Though the book does include the occasional clumsy sentence, de Rossi has a distinct voice (It helps that I heard a podcast in which Portia reads an excerpt from her book in her own voice) and an incredible story to tell.  I am lending the book to my mom and sister who can't wait to see what I was raving about.